Gratitude: The Secret Ingredient to Presence

 

Tomorrow is a mystery.  Today is a gift.  That's why we call it 'The Present.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

You've probably heard about things like keeping a gratitude journal, or Law of Attraction, or even the movie The Secret.  Personally, I eat up ideas that blend spirituality, neuroscience, and positive psychiatry, even though I recognize that not everyone feels the same.  However inspired I may be by such things, they usually look very different once put into action in my reality.  Gratitude is always an essential component in these techniques as well as in meditation and mindfulness.  Well, at this point in my life, I've started 7 different gratitude journals.  I've completed none.  I can find 2.  The rest are on a bookshelf through a thick jungle, across a desert, and locked in a tower with no doors in "The Land of Should" (see Why Try Coaching).  I've tried everything I know to keep up with them, to build routines around them, to write in them when I can't sleep in the middle of the night... They always help, at least for a time, but my ADHD and perfectionism are my worst enemies, actively fighting against me in this endeavor!  I lose the journals.  I have difficulty keeping up with things not attached to my body, and a journal on a lanyard just doesn't work.  I tried...  

Perfectionism though is the worst!  I just can't seem to stop myself from judging what I write.  Judgement quickly extinguishes all those warm, fuzzy, thankful feelings that had helped me feel better just moments ago...

*SIGH*

Maybe this isn't you.  Maybe you are an avid journal keeper and you've been writing for years!  In fact, I hope you are.  Teach me oh wise one...

Trying the strategies from The Secret, at least in the way the movie portrays them, just didn't work for me (and this blog is, by no means, intended as an in depth review or commentary on The Secret!).  Still, the need to be intentionally present, and fill myself with gratitude, was absolutely longing for success.  

In my research, I couldn't deny the recurring importance of gratitude.  So, if the gratitude journal wasn't going to be part of my daily routine, I needed to find another way to consistently incorporate thanksgiving.  

My current method involves my morning coffee and is just as essential as the caffeine.  Before I can meditate, visualize, repeat affirmations or try any other technique, I first "sip" my gratitude to achieve a state of higher vibration (I'll explain more in a minute).  

    ...Uh-oh...she used the word vibration!  Is she going to get woo woo on us now?!  At this point in time, we know that all things in our universe are constantly in motion, which means they have vibration.  This includes us, our thoughts, feelings, bodies, relationships, etc.  A very simplified version suggests that negative thoughts and emotions resonate with lower frequencies often associated with not feeling well.  When we give gratitude, thoughtfully and sincerely, our vibration rises.  Higher vibrations are associated with more positive emotions and even healing...

So, with each sip of coffee, I visualize filling my stomach with gratitude.  First sip, I am grateful for caffeine.  Pause.  Feel the warmth.  Feel the gratitude.  Second sip, I am grateful I got out of bed.  Pause. Think, "I owned that getting out of bed part, the day can only get better from here!"  Third sip, I am grateful for my precious daughter.  Pause.  Picture my girl, remember a hug, feel the gratitude...It goes on like this until I finish my coffee.  It takes less than 5 minutes and is the single most important thing I do.  If I don't do it, the other pieces of the day do not fall into place, and my capacity to help others is severely diminished.  But, 5 minutes to feel better, consciously raise my vibration, and to find myself in the now moment?  Sign me up!  No journal required, just a cup, intention, and sipping.  

The process of giving thanks, aligns my mind, body and heart with the present.  Until I fill myself up with gratitude, I cannot empty myself of morning back pain, bad dreams, that argument I had with my husband yesterday...I literally was unable to calm my mind or focus my breath for meditation until I tried adding gratitude beforehand.  The mind still wanders, of course, but it requires minimal effort to refocus and retry because I'm in tune with what's happening now, not what happened in the past or what's going to happen in the future.  Being present is one of the hardest things for us to achieve.  Work, television, film, social media, advertising, all exists to distract us from what we really need, want, have right here, right now, in the present.  These things tend to keep us looking back or looking forward while life is actually happening around us the whole time.  And we can sometimes miss it because we have tunnel vision about what happened to us previously and what we fear is going to happen to us subsequently.  All the while, the birds are singing outside, the breeze is blowing, there is food to eat, a bed for sleep, water...  Presence ensures we don't miss out on living and gratitude ensures we are in the right frame of mind to receive presence.  Sure, gratitude seems like a good idea to everyone, but rarely do we fully appreciate its power.

Maybe you don't like coffee.  Maybe you broke your cup.  Here are 7 more ways to practice gratitude and incorporate it into daily living.

1. Keep a Gratitude Journal.  It's not a bad idea!  I struggle with keeping one consistently, but there are times in my life where I have to dig deep for gratitude.  Sometimes it helps me to go shopping for the perfect journal.  Be intentional about how it looks, feels, even smells.  Get creative with it.  Incorporate pictures, stickers, bedazzle it if it suits you!  I have only ever felt good after writing down what I am grateful for.  Just because I struggle with keeping up with my journals regularly, doesn't mean you will! And, even though I struggle with keeping up with my journals regularly, it is absolutely still a strategy I sometimes use.

2. Take a walk and notice outdoor beauty.  Sometimes we have to reach deep for that gratitude.  I mean, when I'm frustrated, it gets buried deeeeeeep down in there.  A great strategy is to interrupt your current environment.  Changing perspective helps derail negative trains of thought and opens you up to reconnect to positive ones.  Get up, move your body gently, as you walk try and notice the things around you in the present.  In the moment, you may not be grateful for your boss, but can you appreciate the sunshine, the colors, even the ability to walk?  Walk until you are able to find something for which you are grateful.  Take a little bit of time moving your body, connecting with nature, giving thanks, and it will make a big difference.

3. Repeat, "I have what I need, right here, right now."  Sometimes I even combine this one with a walk.  As soon as I feel like I don't have enough, or I'm totally overwhelmed with all the things I need to do, I try to remind myself that, at least in the brief present moment, I already have exactly what I need.  First step, "I have," Second, "what I need," Third, "right here," Fourth, "right now."  I repeat it until I can take a breath and actually believe it.  I may not have everything I want, and I may be scared that I'm not going to have what I need in the near future, but my heart beats, my lungs breathe, my mind thinks, I am alive...I have what I need, right here, right now.  And I'm grateful.

4. Write a thank you note.  If you roll your eyes at this one, you too may have had a mom who made you write thank you notes after every birthday and holiday as a child.  Alas, I did this, but struggle to send them consistently as an adult.  In fact, I often write them, and forget to mail them (I probably should be ashamed to put that in writing, thankfully I no longer live in the land of should.)   But, if you've ever received a random thank you note, maybe even for something you didn't even realize you did, how did it feel?  For me, it's magical.  All humans want to be seen and heard and acknowledging that for another person fills you both with gratitude.  This is one of those gratitude strategies that works both ways.  By giving thanks to someone, they too become more grateful.  When you are out of touch with things for which to be thankful, remember someone to whom you are thankful.  Writing them a note (even if you don't send it, but hopefully you will), is an intentionally act of gratitude that can reconnect you with the present moment and what really matters.

5.  Notice the effortless flow of your breath.  There are hundreds of intricate things happening in your body at any given moment, just to keep you alive.  And you don't need to think about them, or even have to acknowledge them, in order to reap their benefits.  Still, taking a moment to appreciate the automatic functions that allow us to "Be," is a very meditative strategy for gratitude.  In meditation, they ask you to "watch your breath."  This used to confuse me.  I mean, my eyes were closed, how could I watch anything?  It really means to notice.  You don't even have to take a deep breath.  You can just notice your breath, and accept it, no matter how long, short, deep, or shallow it is in the moment.  That's it.  Super simple.  Do you feel the inhale at your nostrils?  In your chest or belly?  Don't try to control it or change it, just notice.  It sustains you no matter what what you do.  You can hold it, but at some point, you will eventually, automatically inhale once again.  You are wired for living, for being, and that is something worthy of our gratitude.  

6.  List the the things for which you are thankful.  Often we don't have time to stop and give thanks or implement one of these strategies.  That's when I turn to this obvious option that I obviously don't consciously use enough.  Just list some things for which you are grateful.  We all have some "go to's."  I'm always grateful for my family, a roof over my head, the body allowing me to experience life, etc.  When I start listing my "go to gratitudes," my mind will eventually begin thinking of new ones, or noticing new things in the present moment to expand my thanksgiving.  It is an easy to do, inconspicuous strategy, that enables me to be thankful when I notice the descent into negative thought.

7.   Visualize someone you are thankful for.  Often thinking about someone we are thankful for is easier than thinking of something.  If you're struggling with identifying gratitude, try thinking about people for which you are thankful.  We are social creatures, wired as pack animals from the earliest days of our existence.  Most of us have a person, or people, with whom we cannot imagine doing life without.  Giving thanks for these special, precious people can flow more easily than listing "things," especially when you are in a situation when you don't have the things you need.  It's a slight adjustment to listing more generalized gratitudes and may be just what you need to bring you back to the present.

I am grateful for you.  Thank you for reading this.  May you discover NOW by experiencing the power of gratitude.