Absolutely nothing has to be "wrong" in order to benefit from coaching. In fact, the science is clear: (see post: The Neuroscience of Coaching) The human brain benefits from the coaching process when facilitated properly, period. However, this raises the question, "What is properly?" Coaching has become a buzz word that could mean so many things. So, how can I help you to know what to look for, what to expect, and how to know if it is skillful and effective? I want readers to feel confidant about what to look for in any coaching relationship, and to be able to assess for themselves whether or not a coach is the right fit for them.
Coaching is an unregulated field. This means you don't have to have formal training, certification or licensure to do it. On one hand-great! What a person needs, in a coaching relationship, is individualized. An industry cannot then standardize what a coach should and should not be (even though I'm usually against those words, see: Why Try Coaching) because every client is different and unique. On the other hand, unregulated fields can lead to individuals who may take advantage of clients that are not familiar with the coaching process. Quality often varies greatly in these industries as well. Professionals may even confuse coaching with therapy which can, even unintentionally, cause adverse negative results. This means that, before you enter a coaching relationship, it helps to get clear on 2 things:
1. What do you REALLY want with regards to your coaching?
2. What usually happens in a coaching session and/or a coach/client relationship?
Before we zero in on these things, let's get clear about what a professional coach is and isn't.
Let's move...from THIS GUY to THESE bigger, overarching ideas.
I can list the differences between a coach and a consultant, teacher, therapist, etc., but I don't think such a list could ever be comprehensive enough to cover all the bases. Still, I'm a visual learner and appreciate tables. So, I'm going to give you a table that, I hope, will provide some clarification on what a coach is and what a coach isn't. You can certainly google other versions of this table as there are many that vary greatly. I will, however, take time in this blog to more thoroughly explain the points in the table below. My table is simplified and focused around the red (and green) flags that may come up when you are determining whether or not a coach is right for you.
.png)
A trained professional in coaching, who can articulate their credentials. Does this mean an untrained professional can't be effective at coaching? No! It does, however, mean that a trained professional is more intentional in their methodology and abides by a common of code of ethics which provides a layer of accountability to their work. Let's be clear, a "certified" coach is a very vague term. You can get certified passively watching videos, so how do you, as a client, determine what certification feels valid for your needs? The International Coaching Federation (ICF) is considered "the gold-standard of coaching." It is not a certification program, but a credential coaches can earn after completing an ICF accredited training program, taking an exam, submitting recordings and completing a specified number of both paid and pro bono hours. The ICF credentials coaches at 3 levels, 1. level 1: ACC-Associate Certified Coach 2: level 2: PCC-Professional Certified Coach and 3. level 3: MCC-Master Certified Coach. Each level requires more education and coaching hours than the proceeding one. Anyone who completes a coach training program, even a sit and watch videos style kind of a course, will earn a certificate with that specific program. They can, then, refer to themselves as a certified coach. However, if they are also an ACC, PCC, or MCC coach, they have gone through additional steps that add validity to their program's certificate.
Let's be clear, there are still many qualified, even exceptional, coaches who are not credentialed with the ICF. I happen to live next door to one. He, however, has a resume packed with diverse coaching experience, corporate endorsements, and could get his ICF credential if he wanted to formally submit a log of recorded coaching hours. These, in addition to niche and expertise, are the types of things you would want to look for in the absence of an ICF credential. I also do not yet have my ICF credential, but I am enrolled in a coach training program endorsed by the ICF (which you can look up for yourself) and, when my 100 hours of initial coaching are complete, will receive by ACC credential. In addition, I also have years of executive level experience, a master's degree, am an educational coach with a professional company, a certified principal, mindfulness teacher and sound bath/tuning fork practitioner. I'm even an ordained minister (and, although some of these things have implied spiritual benefits, do not go there in my professional capacity). The point is, I have credentials, endorsements, recommendations and an online presence that balance out the equation, at least for personal clients. I will say that corporations usually work with only PCC level coaches and above.
If a potential coach was to become defensive when you ask about their qualifications, it could be a red flag. Any coach should be able to articulate why they are or are not an ICF coach with confidence, calm, ease, and will want to ensure you have the answers you need to feel comfortable moving forward. If they are more concerned about getting your business than your comfort level, it is also a red flag.
Not all points will be this lengthy, I promise...
Present and Future Focused. A coach is interested in helping you achieve lasting change and producing outcomes. They are not a therapist or doctor and should spend far more time focused on helping you achieve what you want for your future than focusing on what things happened to you in the past. I personally find therapy very helpful in tandem with coaching, but they do not have to be done concurrently nor are they mutually exclusive. Also, it is important to note, that participating in coaching doesn't mean you need therapy, and participating in therapy doesn't mean you need coaching. I have found that therapy has helped me attain a deep understanding of myself, why I am the way I am, why I think and behave the way I think and behave. Coaching, on the other hand, has helped me continue to move forward from this place of understanding. Coaching helps me plan, strategize, envision what I want and what I'm going to do regardless of my past. Does this mean my coach never talks about my past with me? No. Sometimes there is something vital about my past that is impacting my present and future. Still, we spend much more of our time focused on now, tomorrow, a month from now, etc. than we do on past issues. We also spend much more time discussing results and accountability than I would in a therapist's office. If a coach wants to spend time deeply analyzing your behavior, diagnosing you with something, or asks questions that dig into your past out of their own curiosity, then it is another red flag for sure.
A nonjudgmental, effective listener. A coach is a listener first and foremost in all things. In general, the coach should speak about 25% of the time in a session and a client should speak the other 75%. And, of course, a good coach suspends their personal judgements and opinions. It doesn't really matter what the coach thinks, it matters what YOU think. A coach should always respect the boundaries you've set and demonstrate reflective listening strategies. A coach may repeat your words (hopefully not too much b/c that's just annoying!), clarify your statements to see if they understood correctly, nod, make eye contact, wait (in order to give you time to think and process), ask questions about specific things you have said, and most importantly, should make you feel like they are acutely present in your session. A good coach doesn't space out or talk about their own challenges, unless it pertains directly to the client's experience and the client has given permission for them to share. You should never feel rushed or interrupted. A good coach isn't afraid of silence, even uncomfortable silences. Listening deeply and responding to the small details in what a client says is exactly what makes a session effective. Often, the coach will pick up on something the client is not aware they are saying, or a hidden belief that presents itself as a client verbally processes their thinking. An attuned coach will help bring the client's attention to such things and allow the client to choose what they would like to do to move forward. Lastly, a coach is not there to pass judgement. If that happens, please address your coach directly. If the coach can own and change their behavior, then they're effective. If they persist in their judgement, it's probably a red flag.
Focused on what you want and say, not what they want. If a coach asks a question, perhaps about a strategy, and that strategy does not resonate with you, then the coach shouldn't push you to continue pursuing it. I mean a coach may challenge you, if you've given permission, or offer tactful direct communication, but a coach never pushes you into something that they want to see you do if you do not want it too. A quality coach will not use a one size fits all strategy. You are an individual, and good coaches will honor that individuality. They may use a particular process, but it should adapt and flex based to the things that come up for you and your personal comfort level. When you respond with a "no, I'm not feeling that way," or "no, I don't want to focus on that," the coach should not persist. A coach will allow the client to drive the session. You should never feel like you have to worry about your coach's feelings or be hesitant to provide your coach with any feedback. If they push an idea, persistently pursue something that you do not agree to, don't ask for permission to share their feedback, or make you question your personal boundaries, then consider them red flagged and find another coach!
Be a mirror for your thinking. It's not that a coach will repeat everything you say, that would get old very fast! A coach though is listening for recurring themes, subconscious beliefs, misalignment between your words and your body language, tone, hesitation, and the list goes on. When we process questions aloud, we don't catch all of our "tells." But a coach is a mirror. The coach helps bring attention to these "tells," so that we can become aware and make a choice about what they may or may not mean for us. That also doesn't mean a coach is just staring at you waiting for you to reveal something. A coach is repeating or rephrasing, asking specific questions about what you say because it is scientifically beneficial to hear your words aloud, spoken by another person. A coach isn't interpreting what you say, that would require judgement, but they may reflect your words so that you are not only processing verbally, but also auditorily. To be an effective mirror means that a coach has mastered being present and future focused, listening without judgement, and focusing on the client's needs and wants instead of their own. These practices build on one another, and the better the coach is at them, the better they are able to mirror your thinking. My favorite quote about education is: The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows," Sydney Harris. I feel like it accurately applies to coaching as well. When we can clearly see ourselves in a mirror, we can push through our reflection to something beyond.
Believe in you, even when you do not believe in yourself. This may sound cheesy, but it is crucial in the coach/client relationship. A coach isn't there to tell a client how to do it, that's what a consultant does. A coach is there, to hold space, until the client can hold space for themselves. A good coach will never look at you as broken, or something to be fixed. A good coach will only work with you if they genuinely believe you can do whatever it is you want to do. I deeply believe that all the answers you need are already inside of you. Coaching is a process that listens deeply, asks thoughtful questions based on your wants and words, and provides direct communication with your permission so that you can see yourself in a mirror. At some point in the process, you will turn that mirror into a window. You will push through the window, and you will no longer need your coach (at least not for your original challenge ;)). Good coaches want your success and aren't afraid of the time you no longer need them. If you do not sense that a coach genuinely believes in you, find another coach.
Skilled at asking questions that make you think for yourself. Professional coaches ask great questions. They ask questions that make you stop and think. Often, they ask questions that are hard to answer, or reveal a side of a problem you simply did not know was there. They ask questions and give you abundant space to work through the answer. A coach should never answer the question for you. The question leads to your own insight. You are doing the heavy lifting for yourself because...the answers are already inside of you.
Want to know more about what makes a good coach? Check out the ICF core competencies:
Now that you know what to look for in a coach. Let's return to the first questions posed in this blog:
1. What do you REALLY want with regards to your coaching?
2. What usually happens in a coaching session and/or a coach/client relationship?
The first question is intended to solicit your reflection. If you want to solve your own problem, verbally process through challenges, steps, actions and barriers, and are willing to look in a mirror to make lasting changes, then coaching is exactly what you need! If, however, you want advice, therapy, opinions or to be told what to do, then coaching may not be exactly what you're searching for. Many people confuse coaching w/ mentorship or consultation. A mentor actively shares their own experiences, gives advice and makes recommendations in addition to listening to your unique experiences. A consultant is considered an expert in an area, and are paid for their expertise accordingly. Consultants advise, recommend, guide and offer feedback. Coaches don't generally do these things, and they certainly do not provide therapy. Certainly many therapists or consultants use coaching within or in addition to their expertise. Coaching, however, is distinctly different from these other things. Carefully consider your needs, wants and challenges. Coaching, consultation, and therapy are all major investments. Which best serves your need? Many coaches also offer consultation, especially if they are niched in an area, or have professional expertise. They will, however, help you understand the difference between a pure coaching session and a coach/consultant hybrid. Many coaches, including myself, also offer classes and workshops on specific topics. Typically, during these classes or workshops, the coach will act as a teacher or facilitator. They will then follow up with individual or group coaching through a process that is client driven, not coach driven. In addition, coaches share resources or provide homework. They do not usually, however, direct this process during a coaching session. In general, clients complete these items outside of session while their time with the coach is reserved for the specific coaching process.
This, of course, leads me to the second question: What usually happens in a coaching session and/or a coach/client relationship? It is difficult for most people to willingly participate in something that they can't conceptualize or don't know very much about. I hope to give you a clearer picture.
A coach will usually consult with you ahead of your first official, paid, session. They will gather some background information so that they can personalize your sessions. They will also ask you to share what you think you would like to work on. This initial meeting is a way to ensure both you and the coach feel comfortable with one another and are aligned. The coach should reassure you of confidentiality and you should have plenty of opportunities to ask questions.
During actual coaching sessions, the coach will typically lead with a generalized question like, "What would you like to focus on today that might bring you value?" Your job is simply to answer the questions posed (easier said than done when there's a lot on your mind). You can't be wrong when answering questions, but the coach will always gently guide you back to something with specificity or that is actionable. Although your work with your coach might have an overarching goal that links sessions together, you will also agree on a specific goal for a single session sometime in the first half of your meeting. For example, a client may have reached out to a coach because he/she wants to figure out ways to make more money. During the first half of the client's 2nd session, he/she verbally processes his/her frustrations about work and realizes he/she would like a new job altogether. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to achieve a new job in a 1 hour session, so the coach asks questions to help the client narrow down a starting point. The client may realize that he/she hasn't applied for a new job in 5 years and is worried about the state of his/her resume. The client chooses the resume as the focus of his/her first goal. He/she continues with the session and by the end, has a list of action items surrounding the resume. The client has decided where to begin looking at updated resumes, has specified 3 friends or family members to talk to who have recently been through the process, developed questions for his/her friends and family members, and commits to updating his/her LinkedIn profile to reflect his/her current skills and job title. Within an hour, the client went from being frustrated with work to actively beginning the job search process with an updated resume. By the time the client meets with the coach again the following week, he/she not only has successfully updated his resume, but has even started a cover letter and brainstormed job leads. This is a great result considering most of us hang around for years in jobs that we don't really want because we simply don't know where to start. This session could have gone 100 different ways. The client could have realized they wanted a raise or to start his/her own business. The client could have chosen a core value inventory, or to explore what jobs are out there as his/her starting point. The client even could have realized that he/she loves his/her job and feeling like he/she needs to make more money is merely a symptom of the limiting belief that "money equals success." All that matters is that the coaching session provided space for the client to process his/her thoughts and feelings productively. And, the client chose where to drive the session. The coach served not only as a sounding board, but as an engaged listener, and a mirror for thoughts and words. The coach asked a few skilled and thoughtful questions, and the client figured it all out for him/herself. Notice that every statement with regards to the specific session begins with the words "the client," because he/she gets to determine the path and solve the problem for him/herself The coach did not tell the client what to do. Because the client was driving his/her own problem solving, he/she was actually able to go above and beyond the initial action steps. The client empowered him/herself. The coach held the space.
This process can repeat itself in a myriad of different ways and with a limitless number of topics. The process, however, typically remains the same. Coaches may differ in what additional resources they offer based on niche, expertise, workshops, classes, books, etc. But, generally speaking, a pure coaching session should have similar components to the session described in the previous paragraph. Not every single session will feel equally as productive, but over time you should note that progress is moving faster or more intentionally than it would have without the coaching experience. In addition, the coach/client relationship while personalized and responsive to a client's specific needs, remains consistently professional, nonjudgmental, tactful, client driven, and forward focused from session to session. If progress and these coach/client relationship qualities are not consistently occurring for you, try another coach or re-evaluate the two posed questions.
I hope you have a clearer picture with regards to what you can expect from a coach. When you are open to coaching, understand what it can do for you, are willing to do the work, and have a coach you trust, who possesses skill, you can be unstoppable. I sincerely hope you achieve your personal and professional best.
.png)
.png)
Comments
Post a Comment